“immediate enlightenment — infinite liberation — eternal light”


when we face a blank page 
i would certainly have ticked the box marked ‘struggling’


the way things were supposed to work 
had left us disillusioned in similar ways

i had no one to talk to 
since intimacy isn’t something men talk about

you know 

i sort of wanted to fuck her 
but i also sort of wanted to die


once you’ve written a book 
how do you go on writing?


it’s been days since i’ve been  
spared from grief, illness or suffering

i had nothing to do 
i was overcome by the feeling that everything could disappear

things wouldn’t get better over the years

solidarity in vain


felt nothing 

it was beautiful, but was it realistic? 

i’d been so absorbed in my reading
i’d forgotten to 

sources of pleasure were hard to come by


one escaped from 
eternal life 

times had changed

i didn’t give a fuck
since it was nearly impossible 
put down the phone


a premonition of imminent catastrophe
can occur to anyone, anywhere, at any moment 

my attempt to interest myself in the natural beauty of the region 
was obviously doomed to failure

you never had any trouble from 

anything to keep me 


in theory

i wasn’t really convinced
clear ideas 
in a ‘garden of memory’

i turned away from the computer screen and 
found myself alone


things started to look up when 
to the presence of god 
over the course of the day

all of this
suited me fine


they hadn’t set a deadline

you work for eternity


you’re you
and you’re interesting

glory had been a long time coming

when really 
my only goal in life was to do a little reading 
and get into bed at four in the afternoon 
with a packet of cigarettes 


for the first time in my life 
i’d started thinking about god

only the present hurts
between two infinities of happiness and peace

lack of curiosity 
really was a blessing


i was taking notes in a frenzy 
to avoid physical suffering 

simple pleasures 
tended to be dismissed as

the truth is
i was at a loss for words


i started to realise 
that life might actually have more to offer

i’d be given another chance